ATTN: Citizens of Middleton
RE: Incoming Hail Storm
Good afternoon citizens–
I am sending this message to prepare all citizens of Middleton for an incoming hail storm. I repeat: prepare for an incoming hail storm. This is not a drill.
At 2:37pm MST, I felt a disturbance in the mesosphere via the divine rods at my home. The rods shook approximately 7.2 clicks to the left of Newton’s Center, thereby indicating imminent weather phenomena.
As you know from my previous missives, the divine rods are nearly almost always accurate. Last week, they accurately predicted plentiful sunshine and fantastic picnic weather.
It is imperative that all citizens heed this warning and seek shelter immediately. Hail can be extremely dangerous and damage life, limb, and property. Go to an interior room or sturdy building and stay away from windows.
Furthermore, my dreamweaver has indicated that the hailstones will likely descend at a rate of 9.2 m/s/s and impact the ground with strong velocity. The dreamweaver has also reported to me that the storm will approach from the southwest and travel at the speed of clouds. This is a serious storm.
All visitors to the city should seek shelter in public buildings or with a friendly neighbor. My house is currently occupied, however, other citizens will likely be more obliging.
Should you need medical assistance, you should contact the city hospital directly by calling their main line (262-679-2785) and requesting to speak with Nurse Jensen or dial 911 in case of emergency.
This is your last chance to heed this warning–SEEK SHELTER NOW!
This is your oracle speaking.
OVER AND OUT.
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